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Little Prince Part 3: Sons & Lovers
Mother-Son Emotional Incest 3 Martyn Carruthers

Online Counseling for Emotional Incest     

Men who Obsess about their Mothers

Contact us to resolve emotional and relationship problems.

Do childhood memories, beliefs and habits disturb your life? Many relationship difficulties start in childhood - with parents who do not know how to parent.

Mother's Boy Part 1 ... If a lonely mother perceives her son as special, Mother rewards her Son for his specialness, and Son rewards his Mother by feeling special.

Little Prince Part 2 ... A man fixated on his mother cannot commit to a stable, long-term relationship - except perhaps with immature women - until they grow up.

Daddy's Girl ... A daughter who fixates on an immature father may attract and be attracted to immature men and have a series of unsatisfying relationships. She may often complain that "all men are childish", etc.

People who obsess about their parents may be unable to enjoy happy partnership until they change their obsessions. We help people accelerate these changes.

Signs of Mother Fixation

Some common traits of adult men who are fixated on their mothers. Does he ...

  1. obsess about his mother?
  2. attack or sabotage people?
  3. expect women to serve him?
  4. react strongly to any criticism?
  5. demand devotion (not just love)?
  6. obsess about immature women?
  7. not commit to happy partnership?
  8. damage other people's relationships?
  9. show jealousy, anxiety and insecurity?
  10. demand attention or threaten to leave?
  11. blame his mother for all his problems?
  12. blame his partner for all his problems?
  13. feel huge anger but avoid expressing it?
  14. act like a child or like a tyrant ... or both?
  15. brag, boast and lie in attempts to be special?
  16. have obsessive interests and few social skills?
  17. obsess about physical and mental health issues?
  18. try to rescue married women from their husbands?
  19. hunt women - quantity not happiness is important?
  20. avoid couple coaching, marriage counseling or therapy?

Many men allow their mothers to control their lives, in exchange for a sense of feeling special. These symptoms of mother fixations predict years or decades of suffering for those men ... and for their partners ... and for their children.

Mother-bonded men may need help, but few ask for help and even fewer follow through. Most mother-bonded men prefer to suffer than to change.

Sons & Lovers: Connecting the Dots

Europeans think Italian men are the sexiest. 35% of the 5,911 European men and women polled consider Italian men the best seducers. Boston Globe 1987

Both before and after marriage Italian men retain extremely close ties to their mothers and when marriages break down a quarter of husbands go home to mother, a national statistics office survey showed. Xinhua News Agency 1997

A son lacking a happy, mature mother may construct a fantasy mother, and bond to his fantasy. Later in life he may forever seek this fantasy partner, this perfect woman. This leads to predictable suffering. Every Little Prince ... sooner or later ... wants to be King.

Little Prince's Lovers & Childhood Fixations

Mother-fixated men are often attracted to immature women - especially to Daddy's Girls. Immature adults seem to recognize each other across a crowded room. Bonded adults, when they meet, often describe love at first sight and overwhelming attraction.

It was love at first sight. I knew he was for me the moment we met.
Years later I realized that I had married my father.

Codependence does not survive maturity. If a codependent partner grows up - the other partner may experience an immediate crisis. One or both partners may attempt to regain their dependence or their special-ness, excitement and romance by having intimate affairs or by becoming parents - to real children or to each other.

My husband has good feelings towards me if and only if his mother approves.
The moment his mother dislikes something I do, our marriage suffers.
She holds the ON-OFF switch to our matrimony.
Mumbai, India

The birth of a child often begins a new cycle. A new mother may discover that her son is the special male that she always sought; and a new father may super-bond to his wonderful new daughter and exclude his wife. This predictable suffering spans generations - you can predict the future relationship behavior of the children - unless they change these toxic traditions!

I am not interested in women ... nor men. I searched the internet for a strategy on how I can seduce my mother ... but she treats me like I'm a stupid little boy.

Independent happiness is a threat. If one partner in a symbiotic or codependent relationship finds real happiness, the other partner may suffer immediate crisis. A hint of independent happiness may trigger withdrawal, threats or emotional blackmail from a dependent partner.

Many men who fixate on their mothers seek multiple sexual affairs, become love addicts or sex addicts, or distract themselves with drugs, computers or other obsessions. Many macho men, gurus, philosophers and nerds cannot let go of their mothers' apron strings - without help.

I never married and I doubt that I ever will ... when you asked about my mother
- it suddenly felt like her spirit floated over me - supporting me and protecting me from women. My father always feels very far away.

While healthy men accepts responsibilities at home and at work as normal - mother's boys may interpret them as disappointments and invasions of their special privileges. Other people may call them egoists or narcissists.

Other People's Partnerships

Some men compulsively try to rescue or seduce married women. The relationships, of friends and colleagues may be seen as mere challenges. Anticipate sulking if they don't get a woman they want ... and short-term affairs if they do.

Such men may fantasize about wife-swapping. A healthy committed relationship with a woman seems ... boring. Some will search the web for incest pornography. Expect compulsive masturbation if their fantasies are more gratifying than sex with a partner.

Some mother-fixated men eventually withdraw into a reclusive life or join men-only groups to find themselves. As mother-bonded men often seek father figures and other lost boys, expect to find them probing the cults and gurus of the world in a search for a sense of authentic fatherhood.

They may be fascinated by bisexuality or homosexuality. If a mother-fixation is replaced by a father obsession, expect homosexual fantasies as a man explores "Who is my father?". This may motivate promiscuous homosexuality (and a risk of AIDS) - or aggressive homophobic behavior if such a man represses homosexual fantasies.

Some mother-bonded men are suicidal - they may prefer to die than to be ordinary.

Solutions for Mother-Bonded Men

As mother-bonded men often believe that they are so special that rules for normal people don't apply to them, many mother's boys refuse to ask for help. He is fine, his relationships are fine, everything is fine ... but if she leaves he may erupt like a volcano of distress.

He: Our relationship is fine, there's nothing wrong. You are over-reacting.
 She: I am leaving you! Don't call me. Here's my lawyer's phone number.
He: You can't leave me! I'm sorry! I'll change! I promise that I will change!
She: You have said that too many times before. Goodbye!

Paradoxically, men who are entangled with their mothers may blame their mothers as the cause or source or origin of their problems.

Do you want to end relationship entanglements?

Online Counseling for Emotional Incest

I thought you were just another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.

Plagiarism is theft. Martyn Carruthers, 1998-2018
All rights reserved.

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Have You Suffered Enough?

 Where are you now? Understand your emotions, fixations and enmeshments
What do you hope for? Know your goals and stop sabotaging yourself
Do you feel resourceful? Learn to develop your inner resources
Do emotions block you? Relationship problems and mentor damage
Do your beliefs limit you? Change limiting beliefs and end dependence
Do you feel connected? Resolve identity issues to recover lost resources
Is your partner happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully)
Are your children healthy? Happy parents better manage family problems
Do you want team success? Team leaders and their teams develop together
Do you have complex goals? Specialty coaching, counseling & therapy

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1996-2018  All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers to help people solve emotional problems and relationship conflicts to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work - email