A son lacking a happy, mature mother may construct a fantasy mother, and bond to his fantasy. Later in life he may forever seek this fantasy partner, this perfect woman. This leads to predictable suffering. Every Little Prince ... sooner or later ... wants to be King.
Little Prince's Lovers & Childhood Fixations
Mother-fixated men are often attracted to immature women - especially to Daddy's Girls. Immature adults seem to recognize each other across a crowded room. Bonded adults, when they meet, often describe love at first sight and overwhelming attraction.
It was love at first sight. I knew
he was for me the moment we met.
Codependence does not survive maturity. If a codependent partner grows up - the other partner may experience an immediate crisis. One or both partners may attempt to regain their dependence or their special-ness, excitement and romance by having intimate affairs or by becoming parents - to real children or to each other.
My husband has good feelings
towards me if and only if his mother approves.
The birth of a child often begins a new cycle. A new mother may discover that her son is the special male that she always sought; and a new father may super-bond to his wonderful new daughter and exclude his wife. This predictable suffering spans generations - you can predict the future relationship behavior of the children - unless they change these toxic traditions!
I am not interested in women ... nor men. I searched the internet for a strategy on how I can seduce my mother ... but she treats me like I'm a stupid little boy.
Independent happiness is a threat. If one partner in a symbiotic or codependent relationship finds real happiness, the other partner may suffer immediate crisis. A hint of independent happiness may trigger withdrawal, threats or emotional blackmail from a dependent partner.
Many men who fixate on their mothers seek multiple sexual affairs, become love addicts or sex addicts, or distract themselves with drugs, computers or other obsessions. Many macho men, gurus, philosophers and nerds cannot let go of their mothers' apron strings - without help.
I never married and I doubt that I
ever will ... when you asked about my mother
While healthy men accepts responsibilities at home and at work as normal - mother's boys may interpret them as disappointments and invasions of their special privileges. Other people may call them egoists or narcissists.
Other People's Partnerships
Some men compulsively try to rescue or seduce married women. The relationships, of friends and colleagues may be seen as mere challenges. Anticipate sulking if they don't get a woman they want ... and short-term affairs if they do.
Such men may fantasize about wife-swapping. A healthy committed relationship with a woman seems ... boring. Some will search the web for incest pornography. Expect compulsive masturbation if their fantasies are more gratifying than sex with a partner.
Some mother-fixated men eventually withdraw into a reclusive life or join men-only groups to find themselves. As mother-bonded men often seek father figures and other lost boys, expect to find them probing the cults and gurus of the world in a search for a sense of authentic fatherhood.
They may be fascinated by bisexuality or homosexuality. If a mother-fixation is replaced by a father obsession, expect homosexual fantasies as a man explores "Who is my father?". This may motivate promiscuous homosexuality (and a risk of AIDS) - or aggressive homophobic behavior if such a man represses homosexual fantasies.
Some mother-bonded men are suicidal - they may prefer to die than to be ordinary.
Solutions for Mother-Bonded Men
As mother-bonded men often believe that they are so special that rules for normal people don't apply to them, many mother's boys refuse to ask for help. He is fine, his relationships are fine, everything is fine ... but if she leaves he may erupt like a volcano of distress.
He: Our relationship is fine,
there's nothing wrong. You are over-reacting.
Paradoxically, men who are entangled with their mothers may blame their mothers as the cause or source or origin of their problems.
Do you want to end relationship entanglements?
Plagiarism is theft. ©
Martyn Carruthers, 1998-2018